What Your Career and Heartbreak Have in Common
If you've been following along the past month, I've been sharing my favorite podcast episodes of all time - those which have most impacted my life and the lives of my clients.
This week's episode might just be my all-time favorite, and coincidentally also the shortest: in this 12-minute speech from the On Being Annual Gathering, poet David Whyte lays bare why it feels so darn hard to find a fulfilling career today, and what to do about it.
If you’ve been asking yourself questions like, “Why can’t this job search thing be easier?” or “Is there something better out there for me? What’s my purpose??”, this one's for you.
Here's my rundown of the best moments of this podcast episode, and what every job seeker and professional seeking greater fulfillment at work can take away today:
1.“As human beings, we’re constantly hoping we can find a path where we won’t have our hearts broken… But the only way you can not have your heart broken is not to care.”
If you want a career that lights you up, you have to care about it. You can’t have one without the other. But David is too right that once we care, we open ourselves up to being hurt. It’s a scary tradeoff -- one that induces many people to follow the path of least resistance; to stay in jobs they hate, to not ask for the promotion they deserve; to engage in their job search halfheartedly and apply online so that rejection comes via email instead of in person. I get it. Rejection hurts. Yet while I’m a firm believer in mitigating risk, I also know that choosing a path that eliminates risk can also eliminate meaning, connection, impact, and the feeling of being truly alive and human. Ask yourself -- what would it be like to stop trying to follow a road where you won’t have your heart broken? What would you give up, and what might you stand to gain?
2. “If you’re sincere about your work, you should not know how to proceed at times...That tells you you’re sincere.”
While society makes us feel like 5-year plans are a prerequisite for success, over 80% of professionals don’t have an ideal career in mind! Feeling stuck or lost is completely normal. In fact, when you zoom out and look at any person’s career from a distance, what you’ll find is a string of periods of confusion followed by periods of flow. Confusion → Flow → Confusion → Flow. So don’t be afraid to admit when you’re lost -- and ask for help. Once you get out of the mind spiral of shame and confusion, you can start taking action to turn confusion into clarity.
3. “You are more marvelous, in your simple wish to find a way, than the gilded roofs of any destination you could reach.”
All of my clients start their job searches ultra-focused on the end game: new job, better (salary/fulfillment/balance), happiness at last. But what I love most about my work is seeing my clients come out of this process understanding that happiness isn’t something you achieve, it’s a way of living. They come out believing that they deserve to dream, and that if they commit fully to their dreams they can achieve them. They come out recognizing that any hard journey undertaken wholeheartedly brings with it new self-awareness, self-belief, growth, and relationships. They come out unafraid of job searching in the future because they know how to do it and what it can bring. Not so suddenly, the destination pales in comparison.
4. “You’ve listened long enough. Now, strike your note.”
This quote gets me going on a number of levels. For one, I have a tendency to procrastinate before diving into a new writing project. But I’ve found that once I force myself to spend 15 concerted minutes working on my dreaded to-do, I feel a surge of energy that powers me across the finish line. This quote also serves as an invitation to living in alignment with your authentic self. You know when you’re out of alignment (your intuition goes from telling you as much in a hushed whisper to practically screaming at you if you ignore her for too long). At some point - likely sooner than you think - you’ve listened, ruminated, maybe even avoided long enough. It’s time for you to take action and strike your note!
Now I ask you…
How will you “strike your note”?
What large or small career goal do you have in mind?
Are you ready to open up about feeling lost or stuck your career, and take steps to find clarity?
Are you excited to double down on a more meaningful path, even if it means risking heartbreak?
Again, I'd love to hear what resonates most with you, or what you took away in the comments!